valentine's day

love stinks. it's not that i wanted a stuffed bear to hold on to, or ten thousand boxs of heart shaped candy, But something, anything. Mostly... all i want was that call, the text. That wouldn't just mean a simple "text"... it would mean, that he didn't forget. He didn't forget the five hour makeout secions, the 3529075 movies we saw because there was never anything to do, and the long night in the back seat of his toyota camry. i did something stupid, krama if you will for him. making out with "the" best friend the perfect revenge... always best served cold. true it was in a drunken state... but the real question is, will he care? and of course why? WHY didn't he call. He once told me, "You are the only thing im going to miss around here." then he left without even a goodbye. maybe.. we don't need love. really if you think about it, it is a waste of time. all the hours you have trying to find love, fighting because you lost it, and spending to get it back.. so many things just happened, but blinded by love you missed them.

"It is better to have loved then not at all"

is the worst quote i have ever heard in my life. if you never had something to lose then you never knew how good it was.. so you won't miss it. But once you had it then you know how good it really was.. so now living without it, has become a hell.

Maybe it is best to just try to forget. One day his name will not even cross my mind... and yet i know he will always be there.

First of Many

Things have just seemed overwhelming lately. I wish their was someone to talk to, but I am alone. Not figuratively, literary I am alone. My mother went out on the town with her friends, trying to recapture her forgotten youth. While my father and brother left yesterday to go fight the great battle of mother earth, or as they call it, camping. Only the white walls hear my pain as I say them aloud perfectly like out of a sense of a play. Hoping in a sad way, out there in the world someone will somehow sense my pain. They will pick up the phone and call. Not to talk about what happening or to find out the lastly gossip. But only to see if I wanted to chat and to find out if I was o-k. People never do what you want them too! Or what you expect them to do. I find their more of a let down then anything else. Thats probably why I have never been much of a people person. I just can not figure out how other humans function. How we now live in the 21 century and are still faced with racism. How people will not vote for a women president even if she is most capable, on the fact that she is a women. How every time you see a person on the street you secretly judge them. I am not a saint, and I have done theses things. My story's are not fulled with adventures from the far East. My jokes aren't even that funny, but your welcome to stay, and hear, my story.