the hug that can change the world.

work was a drag. another hostessing shift because that is the only shifts i can get these days. there's not much to do on a Thursday day seeing that only ten tables come in to eat. ;read a book, answer phones, listen to peoples stupid questions on such phone. the day was looking grim until Evan come in the door. surprised to see him and glad. he was just the thing i needed to see. he had come in for his paycheck... but i like to pretend he came in to see me. which i doubt.. but i girl can dream. each time i see Evan, I hug him. each time i say goodbye to Evan, i hug him. it does not sound like much, but i love it. any hugs for that matter really.. but when i hold HIM i feel his warmth and only hope he feels it too. with our hugs is different from most other people that i hug. with Evan, i take my hands and rub his thin back, and rest my head on his shoulder, then we rock in a circle or just to the sides. it's deep, long, endless seconds that feel longer, closed eyes that do not care who is watching. with this hug, it can change any bad day to a good one. i can not be sure the feeling but i know that it is there. the wanting of someone i know i will never have, yet still having hope that, that day will come. i said before i girl came dream, and she can.

Whos On First?

first base equals - hand holding, the first kiss, the second kiss, and a few make outs.
second base equals - some feeling around above the clothing, more make outs but with tongue.
third base equals - more feeling but under clothing, and of course oral.
the rest is history.

but how long do you wait to see if you really like the person enough to run the bases. i tend to rush into things without meaning too. take Mustang Pete, things were and still are going ok.. and i told myself that i would not do anything with him until i got that fuzzy feeling inside. but never the less... what can i say, i like sex... to put it blunt. and i do like him... just not the way i liked Kevin... or Evan for that matter. not to sound...un-romantic, but sometime you just want someone to hold you and tell you ur beauitiful in their eyes, and if you cant get it from the person you want you settle for that person that will. But i dont want to just be someones warm body at night, and thats whats its starting to feel like. though i want to say yes, this is Pete my boyfriend a part of me doesn't, because apart of me still wants that fuzzy feeling.