you bitch, you slut, you whore!

my horoscope which read to day:

Someone will act like they know everything
about a situation that you actually know
more about. Humor them.


work.
i work at a bar/resturant called the brickhouse. its nothing amazing, but it does have good food, awesome beer, and amazing people that i work with. this is my first job ever, well thats not to say i have never babysat or worked in a tennis camp, but this to me was my first actual job. i have been working there now for about a year and a half to two years. a long time i know. but today is really what i want to talk about. what happen anyways.

to start i will tell you that four days ago i was asked by the manager Jen to cover the host shift of Dawn. i agreed. but the next day i called her back and told her that i could not work because something had come up. that was on wen. today being sat i came into work the day shift to see that i was still written on to be working tonight host shift. the manager on was Mel. i told her that i could not work and did not no why i was still written to work tonight. she told me to find cover. i sucked it up a tried. there was no one. so i went up to her again and said i can not find cover but i can not work tonight, that really i was doing Jen the favor by working and did tell her 3 days ago that i could not work. she of course said well to bad you need to work then went on about how it was really her and the brickhouse that is doing me the favor about giving me another shift for money. i of course upset at this did what i do and complained about it to the other people i was working with at the time. because it was not fair. why should i still have to work, after i called 3 days earlier. Of course next thing that happens Mel comes screaming out and tells me to go home and that she is taking my next week shifts awayas well. I'm like are you kidding me! you have no right! (being as she is not the main manager. and is just in a power trip) And leave.
Sadly Jen is to blame. she being a manager should have found coverage. also my next shifts happen to be a Friday double and sat night. with the Friday being a live after five, which i really hope she can not find cover for the bitch. seeing as everyone works that Friday! everyone.


So now it brings me to here.
the choice to make.
1) quit
2) fight and hope the main manager will give me back my next weeks shifts
3) fight and probably get fired because now there is no one to cover the host shift
4) fight then quit
5) punch out a pillow
6) cry

sighhhh... 5 and 6 look best.

i know parts of it are my fault. if only i did not agree to work that day. or if it wasn't going to rain tomorrow the party would still be on that day. so many things have gone wrong in so little time.


now what to do. finding another job i could do. but working at the same place i have come to the use of being there. doing the same things, seeing the same faces. i like working there. but i somehow know my time there has come to an end. im sad, but i'll move on. i hope!

will not be catching the bouquet.

what i probably should talk about is my trip to Europe and back.. but for some reason when ever i start to type out all about my trip.. i end up having writers block. it was an amazing trip wish my only change would have been to have more people go with us. After coming home and talking all there was to say, it just isnt in me anymore to type out a whole report about it. my advise to you, is to go to Europe as well. Italy was beautiful and getting lost was the best part. if you want to do something do it, if you want something go for it. why wait. because in the end, what are you really waiting for.

back to life now.

(his name will not be said, only because of my own will not to put it in. because in the end it only hurts if i let it.)

the more i want him the more he pushes away. i hate in my mind that i still think about him. how great it would be if he just grabbed me in his arms. but what i can not figure out is why he has not yet. what is stopping him. he does not want a relationship. i have said im not looking for one. but maybe it is better. which in the end i know in my heart it will be. but for now all i want is him. his warm body next to mine between the sheets. but no. he instead makes me watch as he goes for someone else wrong for him. it makes me wonder then if he really knows how i feel.

but that is it. i must stop thinking about him. and i will. when he finally does come to me, i must turn my back. i have given him so many chances to have me. yet nothing. so now, no. he will ask me to go with him and i must say no, you had your chance. but sadly i think i will end up going with him. i hate myself for that. i can only hope it would be in a drunk state of mind. that way, in the next morning i will blame that and that will end that. it will be over and only i will remember half of it. sadly i know this will happen. not so romantic, but im not asking for a white knight. i just want that one night. it sounds bad of me to only want that one night with him, but to ask more would not be right. giving he is older and will never love me the way i love him. falling hurts especially when there no one theirs to catch you.