a once friend of mine wrote this long list online. about 'how great life is and how he is a changed man. how life is a gift and he see's this now.' as i read it, all i wanted to do was slap him across the face and say your full of shit! your fake and only saying this because the women you love dumped you because they think you are depressing and to put it blunt are waste of space. ...yet i still find myself jealous of this person. that in his life he has found love.. or whatever that feeling is. how he in his life has found love twice and sadly i know, i will never come close to finding that. ... i have always wondered how people can become depressed and in fact have depression. how in the past i would just say hey get off your ass and be happy look around... but today i was that person. i was that person that was upset and did not know why. that friends and family did not help and i just wanted to be alone and think.. think about all the things i can not do, how i wish i was smart, thinner, pretty, how alone i really am. as i sit here even now i wonder what its like to have friends.. real friends anyways.
no i do not need pills or talk to some guy as i lay on a couch. i think the only way people get through life.. and i mean really get though life is to only think of the good things. which is funny how that all works because when you do think back to all of your memories it is the bad ones that you remember best. why is it that you can never remember visiting ocean city and sitting in the sand for hours, or taking a once and a life time trip to Europe. NO you remember siting alone on a Friday night, how if you were to die in high school that would have been the only way people would have know your name. it is a sad thought.. but if i were to die tomorrow i wonder.. would i be missed.
for the record.. NO i would never kill myself!
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