it started with a stupid drunken txt

i feel so stupid...


Last night i went to a party and didn't get wasted buuut still got pretty drunk.. drunk enough to txt Evan and txt like a fool. in my drunken txt's went somethig lik this "why aren't you there your never here" and things like "you never understand this thing we hv" in the morning only made it worse bc he txted me seeing wha was up with last night. i just feel so stupid now because of the fact that we were never anything and i put way to much of my heart into something that was never really there. i wish he could understand that but in the morning txts made me so upset to the point of tears.. i was so hurt by just everything and for once i actaully opened up to someone.. yet sadly i know i shouldn't of. I felt like he was just txting me back because he felt bad, like he was trying to be there but prob couldn't gave a fuck. which might not be true but these are the thoughs i always get. i told him stuff.. stuff i never tell anyone... like how i hate relationship how they freak me out and how i fall i love with the idea of a person and not actaully the person. i just hate myself now and felt so stupid for getting sooo upset. the only thing im glad about was i was able to make it look like it wasn't just him that was upseting me it was everything which in a way is true. i also hate myself for this.. for always telling things as they really are. io hate bullshit and think when your upset you should tell someone.. my only problem with this is there is never anyone that will listen to you. and i mean really listen without paying them to do so. its so good to vent to someone i just wish i did not vent all of this to Evan the one person that i really did not want him knowing how crazy i can get. sighhh