no longer a wednesday person

sometimes i think he could love me. the way he touches my the waist when he passes by, or the things he says, that leave me gasping for air because i cant believe what he just said. but i know he will never like me the way i like him. i have come to terms with this. so then why does it still hurt that we do not have pancakes anymore on wednesdays or how on that wednesday he did not even text me to tell me he could not make it. and how he did not say that he was sorry he made me wait.
at lest i know he is not with her. or at lest thats what i keep telling myself. he talks about her, says such horrible things... but is that just a cover up, maybe he does feel something for her, maybe thats why he talks about her, because she makes him so upset. i really do not know. what i do know is i need to get laid. and for what it looks like it will not be with evan. nor do i even want it to be with evan anymore.

have you ever seen someone just sitting there. waiting. that look on there face like, "i wish someone would talk to me." my next goal, talk to that person. the best relationship you will ever have with someone is a perfect stranger. within that perfect stranger you will find the perfect person to talk to. when you meet someone for the first time, they are really meeting you. there is no reason to be fake no reason to hide anything. therefore you can tell them anything. without fear that they will tell someone you happen to know. why is it then that it becomes so easy to tell a stranger something burning on your mind but not the person you love. not the person you know. one word, fear. Fear is what stops people from being who they want to be, giving in life and in ones self. it stops you from wanting to become the person you always felt you should have been. once fear is gone, life can go on.