his name is rob aka tall robbies, and perfect on paper. there is nothing wrong with rob, expect i do not know if i really like him. and worse i do not know if i m over evan 100% yet. yes, i do not think about evan a lot anymore and yes now whenever i see him i do not wish to kiss him. so in all... very good signs of getting over someone. yet, i still sometimes find myself wondering what is going on in his head, sometimes the way he wont look at me/how he does looks at me, or how he will walk past me and not say anything even though it looked like he walked out of his way to see me, or how he will laugh at the stupid things i do, the small laugh which i hated at first now have grown to love. i also wonder if i should say sometime. like are we ok? or something in those terms. but again that would lead to other pink elephants, so for now i will keep my mouth shut and wait for him to say something first...which i already know he will not. and in a way... deep in my heart it does hurt, knowing that we will never be anything but friends, or worse just people who happen to see each other at work now and then. in the car ride today he pretty much said nothing, we sat next to each other as if we were strangers forced to sit in a car we both did not want to be in. maybe he was upset about the softball game but who knows. maybe its all for the best anyways. maybe it is better that we were never anything. BUT one thing in life i hate...is always to wonder what if?!?!? and with him..with evan that will always be there.
the question that keeps going through my mind is...
would you rather be in a relationship with someone who you like but aren't sure if they like you, OR be with someone who likes you but aren't sure if you like them?
more and more this question cracks in my head. rob, would again be the the better choice. but still i wonder. someone at my job put it best, that the only reason why i wasn't sure if i liked rob was because i wasn't giving him the right chance. because i was still hangup over evan, rob just didn't fit. which in all makes a lot of sense. finally this girl said something really intelligent.
....but back to rob. he is sweet, and kind, loving, open hearted, will most definitely want a relationship, my age, drinks and smokes "weed" sometimes buuut not a lot, smart, funny, has goals, going to Stony brook college, has a plan.
so many things are going on now. my brain can not take it. i wish life was easier, and i wish things would just work out like you want them too. but then again that would make life boring!
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